Tantum En Inferno
by MsIdiotGirlofJapan
Summary: Heck, he even felt nothing. Okay, that was a lie. He did feel the overwhelming hatred that consumed him. After all, Rin's death was entirely his fault, oh yes it was. Why did he have to be so fucking selfish?
1. Chapter 1

-Sess Pov-

-flash-

A tall, silver haired, teenage boy and petite, brown haired, also teenage girl ran through the snow to the car, laughing as they got in and pulled away from the house. Her parents would always be the best at going on "weekend vacations" at the exact right time. The peeled out of the driveway just as a light snow began to fall.

-flash-

The silver car sped down the interstate, seemingly oblivious to the blizzard raging around it. The boy, driving, laughed and held the girl's hand, kissing it softly.

"I love you so much, Rin."

The girl giggled. "I love you too, Sesshomaru."

-flash-

The eighteen-wheeler in the next lane suddenly began to swerve violently. The boy slammed on the brakes and yanked on the wheel, but it wasn't enough. As the truck rolled towards them, he turned towards the girl, grabbing her hand.

"Rin, I-"

The car jolted, and suddenly, their hands flew apart and he was flying through a swirling world of black and white.

Sesshomaru opened his eyes and found himself floating in an inky blackness. That was all he could remember. Where was he? Where was Rin? Was he…..dead? The simple thought made his blood run cold. No, he couldn't be! Rin needed him to be alive! He wouldn't have done that to her! He-

His mind was cut off by a warm glow erupting behind him. He turned around to the smiling face of none other than Rin standing(floating) behind him. Relief flooded through Sesshomaru and he pulled her into a tight embrace.

"Thank goodness, you're safe, Rin." He smiled into her shoulder.

-Rin Pov-

Rin smiled back and leaned into his shoulder. He looked so happy to see her… How was she supposed to tell him?

"Sesshomaru…" she whispered.

"What is it little one?"

The concern, care, and _love_ in his voice made her next words feel like knives spilling from her tongue. She pulled away slightly so that she could look him in the eye.

"I…I didn't survive the crash, Sesshomaru…I…I'm so sorry-"

Sesshomaru pulled back as if he'd been struck. Confusion passed through his face, then hurt, then a seething, furious _anger_.

"You lie." He hissed, his voice full of venom and hatred.

The words stung Rin deep. She took a step towards him, reaching out her hand.

"No, I-"

"YOU LIE!" He roared at her, slapping her hand away and backing up. "My Rin would never hurt me like that!"

Rin stopped her advance and stared at him, tears forming in her eyes.

"I'm sorry.." she whispered.

Sesshomaru shook his head and snarled, falling to his knees. Rin attempted to compose herself and knelt in front of him. She opened her moth to speak, but she was grabbed roughly by the shoulders and a pair of pleading golden eyes stared into hers.

"_Please_," he begged. "please tell me this isn't true."

Rin felt her heart break. It took every ounce of her will power to shake her head at him. His face melted into an expression of pain.

"No.." he whispered. "No…"

"I'm so sorry, Sessh. I-" she choked through her own tears. "I tried."

Sesshomaru shook his head and yanked her body forward, shocking Rin with its force and abruptness. He held her so time to him, Rin was sure that had she been alive she would have been suffocating.

"Please don't leave me, Rin. Please.."

Rin somehow managed to pull back bring her chocolate eyes to meet his amber ones. She immediately regretted it. They were empty, void of any feeling. Yet, somehow they pleaded with her, begged her to take back what she had said.

Rin found that she wanted to stay here. She wanted to comfort him, to hold him in her arms and never let him go. She wanted to make light return to his eyes, even for a split second… but her time was up. She would be leaving soon, moving on to her next life. Without him, her Sesshomaru. She brought her hand up and gently caressed his cheek with her fingertips.

"I love you…" she spoke, before she felt her body begin to fade.

A look of panic flashed through Sesshomaru's features and he made a grab for her hand, only to receive a fistful of air. He looked to her semi-transparent body with a desperate, broken look.

"Rin, please don't go.."

Rin gave him a sad smile and stretched out her hand. Sesshomaru's hand reached and joined with hers.

"I love you.." she whispered again, before a light engulfed her body, and she was gone.

-Sess Pov-

"No…"

Pain tore through Sesshomaru's body and he collapsed, writhing and howling his loss to the blackness surrounding.

Inutaisho jolted at the crashing and sudden scream coming from one of the hospital rooms. He found himself running down the hallways, only to be stopped by a nurse mere feet from his destination, only confirming his suspicion.

Doctors were running in and out of the hospital room ahead, yelling at each other and barking commands at nurses. A word rang through the noise and snapped passed his ear.

**Seizure**

He sighed and turned to the others running up behind him.

"What's going on?" Mrs. Honda asked.

"He knows Rin is dead."

A collective rush of understanding and sympathy ran through the party. Slowly, they all left and walked back towards the waiting room.


	2. Chapter 2

~Random POV~

The nurse looked warily at the boy on the hospital bed, unsure if he was even alive. He was fully clothed, on top of a fully made bed with a small duffel bag next to him. His breathing was so shallow, it appeared as if he weren't breathing at all. And his eyes….. they stared at the ceiling blankly ,unfocused and unseeing.

However, the man standing next to the nurse was not fooled. Inutaisho grabbed the duffel bag and turned to the boy, his voice gentle.

"We're leaving, Sesshomaru."

~Inutaisho POV~

The ride to the cemetery was a long one, with a silence so thick so you taste it, and so loud it left a ringing in your ears. Rin's funeral had been the day before, three days after the crash. The doctor had refused to let Sesshomaru leave the hospital, and it seemed like the boy hadn't wanted to anyways. Inutaisho looked over towards his son, whose expression was much like the one he'd had at the hospital. Sesshomaru sat limply, staring distantly out the window. Inutaisho somehow knew exactly what he was feeling. Guilt, anger, sadness, and pain, but only to name a few.

He sighed and leaned his head back against the window. "You know," he started uneasily, "You shouldn't blame yourself for what happened. That truck driver was drunk, this had nothing to do with you."

More silence answered him.

"She tried her best, you know." He said quietly.

It wasn't a lie. Rin had been conscious when ambulances arrived at the scene, and had been so until she had reached the hospital and she had passed out suddenly. When she had been examined, they found that she had lost a lot of blood. They had hooked her up to a few tubes but it had been too much and she had died hours later.

She had only spoken once during the whole ordeal, while she was being loaded into the ambulance; "Make sure Sesshomaru is okay…make sure he's okay…."

~Sesshomaru POV~

Sesshomaru stood alone before the grave, his father having left him alone to mourn. As he read the stone marker, his eyes glanced over the granite words and repeating them in his head like a mantra, so that he would never forget them. He suddenly felt himself fall to his knees, the numb emptiness within his being melted away and was replaced by anguish. A heart-wrenching cry flew from his lips, _her_ name rising to the sky and mingling with the angry roar of the thunder.

"Rin….my Rin…." He whispered in agony to the gravestone. He reached into his pocket and retrieved a small, white box. He pushed his hands into the loose soil before him and slowly dug a hole, placing bthe box inside. Rain began to pour as he pushed the soil back in its place.

"Will you marry me, Rin?" he asked the headstone in a pained whisper. "Rin….. my Rin…my Rin…."

~Izaiyoi POV~

Izaiyoi hummed a sad tune to herself as she walked across the house, cell phone in hand, asking her secretary to take over for her in the next few weeks. Taisho and Sesshomaru were supposed to be on their way home from the hospital, with a quick stop at the cemetery along the way. Not only that, but it was beginning to rain, and while she loved Sesshomaru, and Rin had been her friend, plus couldn't even begin to imagine the pain her stepson was going through at this moment, it would be troublesome for mud to be tracked all over the house. She was beginning to worry if they would ever get home when the front door opened and closed with a dull thud.

Izaiyoi looked up and opened her mouth to say something, but immediately closed it. Sesshomaru looked like a ghost, all pale, sad, and almost dead-looking. Even Inuyasha, who had been sitting on the couch playing video-games didn't say anything to his brother. Sesshomaru didn't even glance in their direction as he walked stiffly upstairs, where soon after the slam of a door could be heard.

Inutaisho walked inside shortly following that scene, to find his wife and second son still in that same position.

"How is he?" Izaiyoi asked quietly.

Inutaisho sighed yet again. "I honestly don't know…"


	3. Chapter 3

**I have nothing left to give.****  
I have found the perfect end.  
You were made to make it hurt,****  
Disappear into the dirt.**

Sesshomaru leaned against the headstone, blankly staring at the ground. He didn't weep, he didn't scream as he had before, and he didn't move. The rain drenched him from head to toe, but he didn't care.

What did it matter now anyway?

**Carry me to heavens arms,****  
Light the way and let me go.  
Take the time to take my breath,****  
I will end where I began.**

He just silently sat, waiting patiently. He'd been in the same position for the past week. He hadn't eaten, hadn't slept, hadn't even breathed.

Oh yes…

Death shouldn't be too much longer now, even for a demon.

**And I will find the enemy within,****  
'Cause I can feel it crawl beneath my skin.**

Heck, he even _felt_ nothing.

Okay, that was a lie. He did feel the overwhelming _hatred_ that consumed him.

After all, Rin's death _was_ entirely his fault, oh yes it was.

Why did he have to be so fucking selfish?

**Dear agony,  
Just let go of me.  
Suffer slowly.  
Is this the way it's gotta be?  
Dear agony…**

Oh look, he's lied again.

The only thing he felt besides the self-hatred was the mind numbing _pain._

He only felt it occasionally, whenever he thought of _Her_.

It was an agony only one who'd lost their Mate would feel.

And whenever he thought of _Her_, Sesshomaru felt it.

Oh, he felt it deep within the furthest reaches of his being…

**Suddenly the lights go out,****  
Let forever drag me down,****  
I will fight for one last breath,****  
I will fight until the end,****  
And I will find the enemy within,****  
Cause I can feel it crawl beneath my skin,******

Dear agony  
Just let go of me  
Suffer slowly  
Is this the way it's gotta be?  
Don't bury me  
Faceless enemy  
I'm so sorry  
Is this the way it's gotta be?  
Dear agony

Sesshomaru turned his gaze to the sky. He almost imagined he saw _Her_ staring back from beyond the clouds, that beautiful face smiling that beautiful smile he missed oh so much.

But that was ridiculous, because angels didn't exist.

And if they did, no one in their right mind would let a demon and an angel be Soul Mates.

Or maybe that was the whole point…

**Leave me all alone  
God let me know  
I'm blue and cold  
Black sky will burn  
Love tear me down  
Hate lift me up  
Just turn around  
There's nothing left  
Somewhere far beyond this world  
I feel nothing anymore**

He tore his gaze away and let the numb feeling return.

He drew his legs up and rested his head against them.

"Please kill me." He whispered softly, his fists balling and his jaw clenching.

**Dear agony  
Just let go of me  
Suffer slowly  
Is this the way it's gotta be?  
Don't bury me  
Faceless enemy  
I'm so sorry  
Is this the way it's gotta be?  
Dear agony**

"I'm so sorry Rin. I love you."

The pain returned with the force of a tidal wave, making Sesshomaru curl tighter into himself.

"I love you…"

**I feel nothing anymore**

The second those empty golden eyes had broken from her chocolate ones, the Angel's smile had faded and was replaced with a grimace of sadness.

"I-…*sniffle* I l-love you too….Sesshomaru. I love you too…"


End file.
